So you made a resolution to live life to the fullest, really put yourself out there this time and meet someone. No more sitting on the couch and avoiding phone calls. Yes, you do have your beloved dog, and he is a great companion, but you’re still left with the feeling that something is missing. The fumes from the vigor of a new year are sputtering and you don’t have that amorous glow you thought you would as Valentine’s approaches. What to do?

Here’s a condensed version of arguments to speed up the process: It’s too cold out to go to a bar and too exhausting to perform the role of “I’m a well-adjusted, fun-loving single.” Set up on a blind date with friends? Don’t think so – you’re not much of a gambler. You’re nostalgic for when people relied on their primal instincts. Why not just circle around, smell each other, put your whiskers out there like feelers?

That’s it! The dog run! For sure there could be someone like-minded there. You love dogs, they love dogs. Someone who takes their dog outside for some fresh air and romping is bound to be interesting. The sheer fact that they aren’t sitting at home letting their dog shit on the apartment floor because they’re too lazy to take it out is a plus.

Oh, you’d be shy at first, then the ice would be broken with laughter when the dogs’ leashes got twisted. You’d linger in the park until sunset, then the two of you would promise to meet the next week. Before you know it, you’re in shape and have gotten a promotion at work. And at your wedding reception, you’ll already know exactly how you’ll describe how you met your significant other: “Well, our dogs’ leashes got twisted, and the rest was history.”

But before you set out on the first day of the rest of your life, let’s discuss some pointers.

Dating Tips for Dog Lovers

• Coordinated leashes, collars and harnesses are essential. Coordinated is wonderful, but matching screams, “I’m a superficial, insecure control freak who is trying too hard!” Instead, try to exude soulful, laid-back adventurer.
• Give the dog a bit of a scrub before heading to the dog run. We can’t have your scroungy mutt rubbing his muttiness all over the other dogs.
• Consider the breed of your pet. Bring your babylove only where he fits in. This can be thought of as the “Uptown/ Downtown Dichotomy.”
• Be amiable to other dog owners, even those you aren’t remotely interested in, when their dog is less than friendly or more than attentive to your dog. Your potential mate may be watching, and you don’t want to reveal your nasty side. Yet.
• Most important, go ahead and judge someone by the breed of their dog (see box below). Trust your intuition and assume that you can reduce someone’s entire existence to the chosen breed of their dog and by a few moments of small talk.

Date My Dog

In this postmodern, late-capitalist era we buy things to define who we are. Dogs are no different. Herein, what the pet says about the pet owner:

MUTTS: If you picked up your pet at a shelter, you’re morally superior to those who spent hundreds on a Puggle.
‘WORKING’ DOGS: An owner of a Labrador or other “working” dog can be tricky to figure. If the dog is black, then that person is more than likely a hipster, raging against the corporate machine with subversive style yet no desire to actually be amongst the working class. If the Lab is a lighter shade, this person is probably simple-minded and hard-working.
BIG VS. TEENY: Someone with a large dog is more than likely seeking to compensate for something. Perhaps large dog owners are trying to divert attention away from their own unoriginal personality.
CONTROLLED DOGS: If you’re looking for a mate who can financially provide for you, your best bet is trying to attract owners of dramatically disciplined dogs, because no doubt they are impulsively driven to order and glory. Of course, you’ll have to deal with control issues. Owners of free-spirited dogs may be warm and loving, but that don’t put beans on the grill.

Reprinted with permission from Dig & Scratch.

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